Growing Up as the Ugly Duckling

As a small child I never really thought much about my looks.  Little did I know that the features my face held would shape my life.   As I look back at pictures of myself as a baby and adolescent, I realize I was quite beautiful and even stunning in appearance.  Unfortunately somewhere around the start of puberty stood an ugly duckling.  Puberty was so unkind and in pictures I looked back on of myself as a pubescent teenager tells the story of just how mean mother nature was going to be.  One of my eyes was higher than the other, my face was round, acne was running ramp it on my face.  I had even let my father (a car sales man and no hair stylist by any means) cut my hair.  To say it quite nicely I was a disaster.

School was difficult to handle because lets face it, kids are mean! My German last name was twisted and turned into an awful name that made me sound no more worthy of life than the garbage in a dumpster.  I tried on the persona of the big mean tough bitch to get me through school.  In Junior high I found myself hanging out with the wanna be thugs. Of course you didn’t want to mess with them unless you wanted to eat a curb for lunch.  I knew deep inside that was not who I wanted to be.  By my sophomore year I was starting to grow out of my awkwardness a little. My body finally started to take on a more feminine shape and some boys were starting to take notice.  I still hid myself inside of over sized clothes to take the attention away.

By my Senior year I started wearing tighter shirts and jeans. I still didn’t dress very girly though.  I just didn’t feel pretty enough to be girly.  I had a boyfriend and he was happy with me the way I was, so I found no reason to change at that time.  I went to a professional for the first time and got my hair cut to look more up to date like all the other girls.  I started plucking my eyebrows and wearing blush.  Those little things seem to start giving me a confidence I never knew I had.  I started to flirt with guys and it was working in my favor.  Was I becoming an attractive girl?
After high school I got a job in an adult toy store.  I was quite sheltered all my life and felt it was time to expand my horizons.  I learned a lot in the short 11 months I worked there.  I started wearing cleavage bearing shirts and dressing sexy.  My confidence level was starting to climb.  When I would go to clubs or bars I was known as the “Christie’s” girl.  I began receiving special VIP attention.  I can only assume they thought I was the “freaky” fast girl.  Little did they know there was an unexperienced ugly duckling trapped inside screaming to bust out at the seams.  I just couldn’t get past the past though.  On the inside I felt ugly, unconfident, and still had extremely low self-esteem.  On the outside I played the part of a fired up busty slut.  Even my closest friends didn’t believe me when I told them I had only had 1 sexual partner by the age of 25.  However, they didn’t grow up in this body so they never understood what it was like to be the ugly duckling.

To be continued……

The me of my freshman year and me of present time.
The me of my freshman year and me of present time.

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